Reality Check

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion

After reading the above link, I felt compelled to blog a bit on men's fashion, or lack there of. I know it's not a reality show, just a reality check.

Let's start with socks. Unless you are a Japanese man in Japan, socks should never, ever be worn with sandals! If you are wearing shorts, your socks should not extend beyond your sneakers. Which leads me to appropriate footwear with shorts, sneakers or sandals, golf shoes are acceptable but ONLY on the golf course, if you are done golfing, put on your sneakers or sandals. If you are wearing dress shoes with shorts, go change and if you are wearing knee socks with dress shoes with shorts, you are hopeless and you should just stay in the house. The below comment reminded me that white socks do not go with everything!

OK on to pants and waist lines. Pants and slacks should only be worn at the waistline. Not below your ass. If I can see the backs of your knees and you are not wearing shorts, your pants are too low! If the crotch of your pants are between your ankles, your pants are too low. If I can see your underwear (hopefully you are wearing some), your pants are too low. Parents take note, if you see your child going out of the house with pants as described above, picture that child walking into a job interview dressed as such. Like it or not, it's a reflection on you. Let's put this not so stylish style out of business!

On the flip side of too low pants we have too high pants. What is it that makes older men wear their pants up to their chests? Please don't do this, it looks stupid! Do men shrink and not buy shorter pants? If you are cinching up your pants so they don't fall down, don't! Get some suspenders. Suspenders don't have to look bad. Get some funked out neon pink suspenders or maybe a pair with cool designs on. Make them your friend. Still think suspenders are old fashioned or ugly? Take a good look at yourself in the mirror with your pants up around your neck and you be the judge!

We've discussed too low and too high pants now let's take a look at too tight pants. If you can't find your waist because your belly is hanging over, your pants are too tight. This is not an excuse to say "I'm still wearing the same size pants I wore in high school". This just tells me your IQ is probably the same size as those pants. Rednecks and cowboys seem to be the biggest offender of this and they usually wear too tight jeans. This is not a turn on guys! Oo yeah, I'm digging that big 'ol belly hanging down to your knees, come to mama! I don't think so. Cover that stuff up! Plus, that's gotta hurt! I don't think I would want to be in the same room when you take those babies off. I can hear the woosh from here!

These are serious problems going on out in the world. If I have dissuaded at least one person from appearing in public looking like any of the above, my work is done. Double D

Project Runway-Lipstick Jungle

Ok, I've been on vacation to Lake Tahoe and much to my dismay, there was no Bravo Channel there! Hey what's up with that? They had Oxygen, they had Lifetime, they had HGTV, but no Bravo! And another thing, I wish all the channels would be the same whether you're in Podunk, Iowa or New York City. ABC would be channel 13 and Sci Fi would be 45, Bravo 53. Why does it have to be different in every city? I had to watch the 600 some channels scroll around until I found the channels I wanted to watch. Anyway, thankfully, I had taped last weeks episode and got to see that cutie, Apolo Ono on the show. This week it's an outfit for Brooke Shields to wear in Lipstick Jungle. I've never seen it, but I just might have to since I love Andrew McCarthy, remember him from "Pretty in Pink"? He always seems to have that same look on his face, but I love him anyway. Designers will be working in teams of two. Brooke picks 6 of the best designs. I had to laugh when Tim announced Brooke Shields, Stella was like who? When Stella presented her design to Brooke which was a typical Stella outfit, Brooke tells Stella, yes, but I have to work in it. Stella's like, duh work? Luckily for her, Jerrell picks her to work on his team, since he is doing some leatha work, so Stella's in happy hammer heaven. Korto and Joe's outfit shouts, Sabu, where's my elephant! Or in Tim's words, giant sweet potato. Korto has that I don't care attitude, since she has immunity and it would be poor Joe's head if they're in the bottom, she bites! Blayne's knickers looks like something you would wear for boating or crabbing. What was he thinking? Must be the lack of tanning that is draining his creativity like Superman and kryptonite. Daniel and Kelli's outfit, one word slutty, slutty, slutty, oh that's three words (to quote Michael Kors). Daniel says he has taste which sends Kenley into fits of laughter. My favorite design was surprisingly Jerrell and Stella's, but Brooke didn't care for that big belted thing in the middle, don't those ladies of Sex in the City like those? And hey, what was up with Jerrell's outfit during the runway show? It looked like he stole his mammie's moo moo. You could so tell that Brooke liked Keith and Kelli's outfit. This time Keith's infamous post it notes worked because they were brown. Single D

It was team time at Project Runway to design for Brooke Shields. All they were told is that they would be designing for a successful business woman. Everyone was guessing from Oprah to Hillary Clinton. Most seemed pretty happy with Ms. Brooke.

Brooke judges the sketches and when she gets to Stella, who has made her predictable leather corset, Brooke reminds her that it has to be worn to work. Stella just looks at her like, what's the problem? The woman just doesn't get it.

Terri was hating the shirt Suede made until Tim Gunn came in and said he loved it and all of a sudden Terri loved it too! Blayne's shorts were just plain ugly and looked uncomfortable in the nether regions. I loved Jerell and Stella's dress. Kelly's dress didn't look anything like her sketch and came out, as Michael Kors said, slutty.

I liked Keith's dress, his thing for fringe worked this time. Brooke announced Keith as the winner and Jerell wasn't real happy about that, he even did a little z snap thaing with his head. Kelly and her slutty dress were auf'ed. Double D

Why You Should Never Travel With Relatives

I've been gone from my warm, safe nest now for over a week, traveling with my husband, daughter and sister-in-law. This was to be a short close to home vacation, what with the rising price of gas and airline tickets. Now I wish I had traveled to some foreign country, where the main vehicle of transportation is the camel, populated with dark swarthy men in sweaty turbans and where no one speaks English, because that is certainly where I would have dumped my sister-in-law, and for the sake of brevity, shall be known throughout this post as the Aunt from Hell or AFH. This AFH never had any responsibilities in her entire life, never had to pay rent, never had a real job, never had any bills, except maybe her Macy's, her Visa and her Tri-Care medical bills, which she promptly ignores.

As parents to our 10 year old daughter, we are older than most other parents of the same school age child. But one thing we have over them is that we do look and most certainly act 10 years younger than most. What I am trying to say here is that we are still mobile, agile and in pretty good shape. AFH on the other hand, has never exercised a day in her life, never stepped on a treadmill, (except for that one time when I made her go on the treadmill in our hotel in San Diego. I had set the speed on 2.0 mph and she nearly fell flat on her face all the while screaming I can't, I can't!). With no husband, no family of her own, her main focus in life now is food, 30 years ago it would have been scamming to get into that after concert party to meet some performing artist, altho she sometimes lapse into that groupie mentality worshipping the likes of Toby Keith and thinking of herself as 20 something.

So here we find ourselves in Lake Tahoe, with what should have been a peaceful, tranquil, rejuvenating vacation, if not for the AFH. It's probably my fault. Three years ago, I suffered traveling with AFH and got a good dose of her traveling style, disaster! Three years ago she was to catch a flight out of LAX to meet up with us in Atlanta for a joint flight to Germany. Of course, if anything could go wrong, it will with the AFH. Her flight was delayed in LAX, she missed the connection in Atlanta, got on a flight that took her to Munich by way of Barcelona through Paris. With her luggage standing still in Atlanta, what else?! I couldn't expect anything less. I guess three years ago I had much more patience, because I was three years younger, pleeze! If I were to liken AFH to an animal it would be, you know what, I can't think of an animal that would describe her, even a turtle moves faster than her. If we have to be ready to leave to go somewhere, I have to lie and tell her we need to be out an hour earlier than we need, just to leave an hour later than we're supposed to, get it? She takes forever to get ready and this just mystifies me. She wears no make-up, doesn't blow dry her hair, what could she be doing? I'm picturing maybe plucking the hairs on her legs one by one with the tweezers, (she's fond of tweezers!). And of course all that talk about her not exercising leaves the impression that she is fat, no? Well, not to burst your bubble, she is what I call, overly Rubenesque, or mildly chunky. And with that, she is also type 2 Diabetic. This of course is a disaster for her, lover of chocolate, food, and all things edible. Of course, she talks about how she watches what she eats and tries in vain to diet. Let me point out an example of how she diets. We went to Virginia City, I thought it might be a cute day trip and take our minds off killing each other. Upon approaching the city, it has only one main street, we park and then decide we need to eat lunch. AFH has only one thought in her mind, the BBQ, beef jerky store she saw on the way into town. Nevermind what we all wanted. Of course AFH couldn't remember where it was exactly, so I trudge her into the visitor center, where a kindly old lady tells us it's not a lunch cafe, but really a store. Whew, saved! We then take the kind old lady's suggestion to eat at The Palace, really good pulled pork sandwiches but don't get the Reuben-soggy! AFH orders a sandwich (plus 2 diet cokes), but pulls out all the ingredients and leaves the bread (she can't eat carbs, so why order a sandwich?) AFH continually does this the entire trip. I asked her why not just order a salad then? Later that day after eating a pound of fudge, it's out to Chinese food, where AFH wipes the sweet sauce off her Chinese sweet and sour pork! Why? I just want to scream! I just don't get it.

I know this may sound petty, but that combined with everything else, just tries my patience. Like her walking ability, or lack thereof. I think I pretty much walk the walk of the every day person, not too fast, not too slow. I can keep up with the pace of the human race. AFH on the other hand cannot walk and talk at the same time, let alone walk. When she walks and then talks, she has to stop to emphasis her conversation. Then she takes a couple of more steps, and stops, a couple more steps and stops. Can I start screaming now? We almost had a screaming knock down drag out fight in the Montbleu Casino after grazing at their buffet (which I might add is really good!). AFH screams at me that I am walking too fast! Her words, "You walk so fast you walk like a man!" If my daughter wasn't present, I would have shown her, I can also hit like a man too! I shoulda said, you walk like a 90 year old person! You should have seen her walk through the airport, you would have thought she was at a museum the way she was just sauntering!

Other annoying things the AFH does is talk incessantly to strangers, either yelling at them or cooing with them, complains about the heat if it goes over 62 degrees, hates female waitresses, long lines, rude people, flying, long car rides, and bad food, just to name a few.

I was never so happy to step off the plane in Las Vegas, in the sweltering 105 heat, kiss the hot pavement, pick up my lovable chihuahuas, knowing that the AFH was touching down in LAX and that I would be free of her until our next vacation or not!

:( Single D

Ghost Hunters International - South Africa

Kwa Zulu-Natal, South Africa and the Nottingham Road Hotel is the first investigation. The hotel dates back to 1880 and reports are mostly of a ghost named Charlotte who was a prostitute who committed suicide at the hotel. She like to rearrange flowers and fold clothes. Why can't I get a ghost like that, I could use a hand with the laundry. People have reported seeing Charlotte and children of hotel guests report seeing a pretty lady.

The team "plants" things for Charlotte to play with. In room 10 they put a vase of flowers and in room 11, they turn on the TV and a lamp after hearing that those things turn themselves off.

The TV turning off gets debunked pretty quickly as they find out there is a timer built into the remote that is easy to activate. Barry & Brandy encounter a persistent cold spot in the kitchen pantry which seems to follow them. Barry, believing the spirits have been challenged, runs to get his equipment from another room & gets high readings on his ION meter.

During the review, on audio, we hear a yes response to Barry saying it's getting creepy in here. Another voice is heard saying come back as Barry is moving away from a balcony and one other is heard saying ask me in response to Andy telling a spirit to press on his chest. Even though it doesn't seem like a lot of evidence, Rob's verdict is that the hotel is haunted.

Capetown, South Africa and the Capetown Castle is the next stop. Apparently this castle has a dungeon with a pretty nasty past and screams and crying are heard there. Also the bell in the bell tower likes to ring on it's own. The main focus of this investigation seems to be the dungeon since that is where the majority of reports come from. Barry goes to the dungeon to do EVP work and his recorder gets hit with something as he is asking the spirits questions. He asks a few more questions and gets his ear rubbed, do they do back rubs too? Rob & Dustin go to the dungeon and hear high pitched ringing noises.

The review picks up audio of a noise after Barry asks, in Afrikan, the spirits to make a noise. The audio tapes also pick up the ringing noises and the hit Barry's recorder took can also be heard. Rob doesn't think there is enough evidence to call the castle haunted. Double D

Project Runway - Olympic Fever

The designers get a field trip to New York's track & field arena where they meet cutie pie speed skater Apolo Ohno who gives them their challenge, design an outfit for the Americans to wear during the opening ceremonies. They just get to design something but it won't be for actual wear in the Bejing Olympics. Too bad, that would have been quite the prize for the winner.

Stella immediately says she wants to do something with leather and fur. Are we really surprised at this point? I guess adding the fur will mix it up a little. Blayne is busy having tanning withdrawls and Daniel decides to make a cocktail dress. A cocktail dress for the Olympics? If happy hour becomes a sport then we can talk cocktail dresses.

In the work room, Kenley & Daniel's laughing is getting on everyones nerves. Come on people, what's wrong with laughter? It makes the world a better place! Joe's skort came out really cute despite that word. Tim tells Blayne that his outfit is looking too Sargent Pepper and Blayne asks what's that? OMG! I never thought there would be people who wouldn't know the Beatles! And what was Jarell thinking using horizontal stripes? It might work in your world honey but I don't know any female in her right mind that would wear horizontal stripes, especially on her lower half. Anyway, it turned into something that Little Bo Peep would wear. Suede made a cheerleader skirt. He doesn't think it's a cheerleader skirt but look at anyones high school yearbook and you'll see it. Jennifer made another frumpy outfit complete with cardigan sweater. Where is the red, white and blue? Do these people not get the Olympics? Terri's pant suit with the blazer and red, white & blue top, except for the ruffle would have fit right in with the parade of nations.

Michael Kor's tells Daniel if drinking is your sport his dress is great (what did I tell you?). Korto wins with a very chic and simple pant suit combining a light weight leather (take note Stella) with linen. Jennifer and her frumpy skirt that we may see for sale at the Goodwill get aufed. Double D