Gone Country Season 3 Winner

About half way through this finale, I knew this time around John Rich was going to pick a female as the winner, so it was between Taylor Dane and Sheila E. Poor Tara Conner, who told her she could sing? She mysteriously gets bronchitis at the very last minute as she warbles her song on stage. I knew Mr. Rainbow dreds wasn't going to win, he looks like he's about to drop dead at any minute although on stage he's still got that charisma. Micky Dolenz can belt it but his voice just isn't that great and poor Justin, he should just stick to host Idol Chat on the TV guide channel. When Sebastian Bach came into the green room to give everyone a pep talk, that's when it hit me, JR was going to pick a girl. Sheila E's story about her being abused at age five swayed JR's decision on who was going to win this thing, was there not a dry eye in the room when she told it? When Sheila E went on stage, belted out her "Glorious Train" song and banged those drums and threw her shoes to the audience, the crowd went wild (I'm just wondering how she got her shoes back?). Part of picking her is that she's a dynamo on stage. She gives every woman over 50 something to aspire to, what a figure what energy! Although I really like Taylor's ballad better, Sheila will be a great complement to JR's concerts. At the end they played the music video of Sheila E's "Glorious Train", let's just say I'm not rushing out to buy it. "Glorious Train" with a few fiddle notes thrown in here and there is more gospel than country and as the singer said when she won, "Thank you Jesus!" -Single D

Previous winners of the show include Julio Iglesias Jr. (season one, did he ever do anything?) and Sebastian Bach (season two).

Gone Country-USS Bataan

I'm guessing that John Rich is thinking that the TV audience is having way too much fun with this country jaunt into silliness on his Gone Country show and that now is the time for some serious seriousness to legitimize his show. Wrong! This episode he takes the crew on a jet ride to NY only for them to find themselves once off the plane onto another mode of transportation, a Marine transport, the USS Bataan aircraft carrier. Little do they know they will be performing the songs they picked at random back at the ranch in front of the political likes of then Senator Hillary Clinton and ex-President Bush. Aw crap could be heard the collective sigh from the group. And they thought this was going to be all fun. One high for the singing group however, Tara singing of all things "Coal Miner's Daughter" managed to showcase her unknown until then a pretty good singing voice. Who knew she could really sing? I thought she was there just to look pretty. Shelia E. had the guys in uniform drooling and George Clinton embarrassed himself and John Rich singing and forgetting the lyrics to a Johnny Cash song. Was he sleeping? Er George that is? I can never tell, his eyes are so puffy. Next the group met with the soliders for a little Q & A which managed to get all down, heavy and sad; you know the war thing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm totally behind our guys in the service, it's just that when I watch Gone Country, I want silliness, I want grease pig races, stock car races, country BBQ and to laugh my bony ass off. I want contestants embarrassing themselves, acting silly and doing outrageous things. If I wanted to be sobered up on touching stories and cry in my soup, I would watch the Hallmark Channel. Come on JR, let's get back to the country and let the contestants get their redneck on. Nice touch when Mickey Dolenz was singing and ex-President Bush decides to land his helicopter. What a way to make an entrance. Didn't mother Barbara teach him you only enter a concert between acts? -Single D

Gone Country-Season 3

I missed the last episode of Gone Country, still not used to the Saturday night time slot, so this time I remembered to record it. I'm mad that I missed last week's episode because while Gone Country won't really make a D-lister celebrity into a country star it does serve up some good laughs. This episode, John Rich says that he wants to get the group have some fun so he conceives of the Honky Tonk Olympics, redneck style. Why is it anything redneck is so funny?

The first trial is a tractor maneuvering through a maze and on the other side having to axe a watermelon in half. First there one done is Shelia E whose like a pitbull out of the gate. That woman is fierce and we know who wears the pants in her family. Last out of the gate is George, king of funk. He doesn't drive therefore he's not quite sure how seat belts work. Once at the watermelon station George decides to take time to eat it after chopping which he says is really tasty. George moves like a turtle, does he do anything fast?

Second heat, riding a mechanical bull. Where would anything country be without a mechanical bull? Richard Grieco was pissed that Mickey only gave him a 4. Duh, Mickey tells the camera he forgot it was a scale from 1 to 10, he thought 1 to 5 so he gave Richard a 4, can you say Alzheimer? Better be careful Mickey, wouldn't want to ruffle the feathers of Greico because he's just the type to go postal, Richard has that intense look of a would be serial killer. That segment on Mickey tooting his own horn was really hysterical and let's just say the guy's done everything or so he says. George wins this round as everyone gave him a ten just for staying on.

The last heat it's between who else, Mickey (he's done race car driving) and Justin with Mickey winning by seconds. Overall though, Rich gives the win to Justin and Justin wins the guitar package and Mickey wins the one on one session with Tracy Lawrence, sorry whose he? Anyway, Gone Country is good fun, 30 minutes not long enough, but still satisfying just like eating biscuits and gravy. -Single D

Gone Country Season 3

In a nutshell-

George Clinton snores loud, likes Fruit Loops and cracks his tooth.

George Clinton goes to the dentist.

George is snoring in the dentist chair.

Task-write a group song.

Group wants to write a lively light song.

Richard Grieco walks out.

Richard Grieco has anger and control issues.

Group outing-a forest trip where they are to climb a pole.

Richard Grieco has anger and control issues.

Richard Grieco walks out on the group.

Richard Grieco admits to a fear of heights.

Pairing as a team, Tara and Richard walk a tightrope.

Richard Grieco wants to control the situation.

Tara coaxes Richard to let go of the control stuff.

Tara becomes the Doctor Phil of the group.

Richard Grieco breaks down.

Richard cries.

Richard smiles.

Group hug.

Everyone becomes all warm and fuzzy.

Compose group song on bus back home.

Group song light and lively.

George cracks his tooth again-ouch!

Single D

Gone Country-Season 3 Premiere

Gone Country premieres with a cast that I barely recognize and the only reason why I am watching it this time around is that I happened to see Justin Guarini on the commercials. You know Justin from Idol fame, second runner up to Kelly Clarkson and co-star of famed flopped movie "From Justin to Kelly"? This I am interested in seeing. Justin Guarini a country singer? I think not! With the exception of Justin the only other one I recognize is Micky Dolenz of the Monkee's fame. I can remember in junior high that my best friend Terri was so in love with the Monkees. She even wrote their names in pen on the back of her green corduroy jacket which later that day in school someone hocked the biggest lugee on it! Me, I was crazy about Herman Hermits. Ah Peter Noone with his crooked teeth and boyish grin. Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely daughter....

Anyway, I suppose I should know Taylor Dayne, name sounds familiar but couldn't tell you any of her songs and Sheila E, she's another one. When Richard Grieco entered, I'm like he looks familiar but what from? And then they said, "21 Jump Street". I'm like OMG! I so recognize him, but who knew he sang? Recognizing Richard was like attending one's 25 year high school reunion and being unable to recognize the popular quarterback. Richard keeps telling us that he cuts records in Europe and is known there, I'm like why? Maybe he sounds better to Europeans, you know language barrier and all that.

Joining the cast is Tara Conners, Miss America or as she said, Mess America. As she tells it, she's had some identity crisis after she won Miss America and to that I say, Oh boo hoo! And lastly joining the cast in his rainbow dreds is George Clinton, Godfather of funk. Yeah, but does he sing anything else? His puffy face shows a life of hard living, either that or he slept on his face. First stop for the crew is a trip to the Country Hall of Fame in Nashville where everyone is ooooing and ahhhing, except for Tara, who doesn't recognize anyone there. Singing in the rotunda is George Jones, I knew the first name was George! Gosh, I felt like Tara. Next stop is a nightclub, where the cast has to sing their first gig. Everyone is surprised that they will have to sing right there on the spot, especially Tara who looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Here John Rich is on stage, once again larger than life.

First up is Sheila E banging quite effectively on the drums, did she even sing anything? Justin sang well, but still not seeing him country, or as someone said, it's the hair. Micky does his Last Train to Clarksville, one word WOW! Love it! GC sang his funk song (what else?) and Taylor sounded like a white Aretha Franklin. And then there was Tara....Tara, Tara, Tara. What is she thinking? Come on girl get real and get a real job.

All in all it's a cast of cast offs and has beens. Justin what were you thinking signing on to this show? I guess he can't jump start his singing career, but hey, you're great hosting on the TV Guide Channel and Idol chat!-Single D

Gone Country 2-Bach Rocks Gone Country

In the previous episode Chris makes a fool of himself when JR ask him why he wants to be the next Gone Country music star. Chris makes the incoherent statement that it's ironic he asked that since he does have a studio and could make music anytime. JR lights into him saying that if he has a studio then why is he here? Later Chris throws himself at the mercy of JR, sobbing hysterically (not really) telling him he wants it because he's a washed up has been ex-boy band member and that when he walks down the street know one knows him, waaaaa! For the final episode, Sebastian still wants to do more than one song since he did write three. He's moping around like a wounded hound dog while all the others, with the exception of Sean are practicing their songs. Here we see Lorenzo singing in the pool, that man's in good shape, isn't he like 60 years old? I mean Falcon Crest wasn't that decades ago? Mikalah is practicing her enunciation . I think she needs the help of Henry Higgins, the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. Germaine is practicing at the piano with the flames. And Chris is off crying somewhere. At the Wild Horse Saloon, Sebastian is hogging all the rehearsal time much to the disgusted looks of the others. For the show, JR brings everyone's family to the show much to the surprise of the contestants. Lorenzo's three little girls are adorable, tiny petite Shane Llamas in the making. Sean Young's two boys are there and all I could think of is I hope she doesn't make a fool of herself, forgetting the lyrics and all. First on stage is Chris and once again he puts his boot in his mouth by saying that walking in JR's boots is uncomfortable. JR on stage doesn't know quite how to respond to that and everyone backstage is cringing. Sean did managed to get through her entire song without having to stop the band and start over. That was left for Mikalah to do. Mikalah totally bombed. She was so nervous, stops the band to start over, touches JR's cowboy hat (taboo I guess in the cowboy world) and brings a little girl on stage during her song, then leaves her. Where was that child's mama? It was a total disaster which Sean and everyone couldn't bear to watch. It was just plain embarrassing and just showed her terrible lack of experience. She's not that tough as she appears to be. I think Sean looked great in that bolero jacket, but the hair was a little dykish. Sebastian after much internal debate decides to do the ballad song which wins the audience over. The cast was holding their collective breath to see if Sebastian would be the rebel and do two songs. Come on Sebastian, be the rebel! But he stuck to the rules and just sang the one song which was wise for him because in the end, JR tells the cast that it was a dead heat between two contestants, Sebastian and Germaine. I totally thought that Chris was going to win, or at least hoping that he would win another chance at fame, but I guess JR was not having any of it. Boy, JR comes off being a real tough cookie, hard, conceited, cold and calculating, but he's still yummy in a weird sort of masochistic way. So in the end, JR pointed the finger to Sebastian as the winner of season 2. I guess he really could do country, he's got that it factor which Chris is lacking. The women love that long hair and bad boy persona. I'm just wondering if he really will do the country thing, because where in the world is Enrique Iglesisa from last season?-Single D

Gone Country-Season 2-Outsiders Inn-and My Redneck Wedding

I guess Gone Country was hoping it could repeat last season's successful and semi amusing premise of turning someone with little or no talent into a country star. JR is still trying to get the contestants into the true meaning of country, by having them sing in a pen (prison), smashing cars and chasing after greased pigs, which by the way Jermaine Jackson refuses to do. He doesn't do pork, touch pork or eat pork. And I think he doesn't like to get down and dirty either. But one thing Jermaine does, is see dead people and is afraid of the dark. Yep, ya heard me, dead people from the 1800's. Weird. And they called Michael Jackson weird! The rest of the cast is pretty much a yawner. We all know Sean Young can't remember lyrics or sing a lick, but she sure can smash up stock cars, go Sean! Mikahla looks like she should be on the cover of Playboy, how did she go from sweet (American Idol) to looking like an experienced bunny? And for the rest, with the exception of Sebastian sound like muzak in an elevator. Now I must say a few words for the lamest show on CMT, Outsiders Inn, based on the trio from the previous season of Gone Country, your friends and mine, Maureen McCormick, Carney Wilson and that lovable drunk, Bobby Brown. The premise, Maureen decides to run a hillbilly Bed and Breakfast Inn called, Pigeon Manor and decides to calls her two BFF's Carney Wilson and Bobby Brown. Carney will cook (she cooks?) and Bobby, what shall he do? Oh yeah, he'll be the Entertainment Director, what is this Love Boat? Ok, I'll bite, sounds like it could be fun. Wrong! Come on, it could have been funny if it was not some over done, over wrought road kill. Do we need stuff like, the trio guest judging a local talent show, but the entire time Carney is lifting her ass because she has a bad case of hemmoroids which gets worst as her temper gets meaner and then she tells one contestant to keep his day job, only to find out the next day when visiting the doc for some hemmoroid remedy that the doctor is the dejected would be singer from the night before? Planned, fake and staged. Not funny. Or the one where they book an animal convention, where a man brings his goat with him for a little one on one time in the honeymoon suite. Or the redneck honeymooners wanting green jello in their bath tub, but Carney and Maureen end up in it, with Carney farting of course! It could be funny but the whole thing speaks of the contrived and staged like a really bad sitcom. The whole idea is a mess of goats, free loading hillbillies, Carney baking apple pies, Bobby sweating while hunting bears and Maureen riding on a tractor in a cut too low, red Scarlett O'Hara dress. Sorry, I pass. Ya, Ya, so I did watch more than one episode! The one thing that did astonish and amazed me was the one episode of My Redneck Wedding I did watched. Are there really people like that? The bride, an ample swell of a girl, marrying Billy Bob, a skinny toothless wonder. Why is it that the bride is always fat and the groom is always skinny? The bride gets ready, she does her hair, but wears not a lick of make-up and boy she needs it. When she's all gussied up, she hops on the wagon that is being pulled by the tractor lawn mower that takes her to the local community center to get herself hitched. After the ceremony, it's all outside for a monster truck rally in the mud with the newly hitched bride and groom gettin all down and dirty. Hee Haw!-Single D

Gone Country Season 2

Cast of Characters: Germaine Jackson-awesome and still in good singing form, but will someone powder puff his shine? Mikhaila Gordon-whose she? and is that a stud in her cheek or a stick on diamond? Sean Young-Menopausal raving woman that needs to find her hormones, didn't she flunk out of films? Irene Cara-claim to fame-FAME! Sebastian Bach-token rocker dude. Lorenzo Llamas-he sings? Chris Kirkpatrick-boy band singer from, humm from some disbanded boy band-oh yeah, In Sync. Ok, I so totally recognized JR in that Andrew Jackson hillbilly fat suit, didn't you? Irene, lose the sunglasses. I guess her no show was she couldn't find her sunglasses. Hey Sean, you are out of your element-how much are they paying you to be the fool? Will she be this year's Maureen McCormick? Nah, I think not, she lacks the sweetness. Mikhaila wants to revive her singing career, she had a career? Bach, should stick to rock, say it with me...Bach should stick to rock. Lorenzo must need some cash to keep his daughter Shayne Llamas in Manolo Blaniks. Germaine Jackson, one word, why? and Chris Kirkpatrick-didn't recognize him, neither could Bach-he's like whose that dude? Guess everyone else from In Sync is living off their recognition, except for Chris, he must have been their sound guy? Looks like another funny season....we'll see-Single D

Gone Country-The Finale...the winner is

The end was finally here for the contestants of Gone Country and on this final day, everyone is nervous and anxious, especially Diana Degarmo, who said JR's critique of her made Simon Cowell look like a pussycat. When I first started watching Gone Country, I didn't think that the players really did want to become a country star, I thought they just wanted to try and see if they could. But it appears that each one has a vested interest in becoming the next biggest country star for one reason or another.

When they arrive at the venue, Carney says that when she goes to a venue where she's gotta perform, there's an automatic "Uh Oh". Needless to say, she's nervous. The contestants go into the Wildhorse Nightclub in Nashville. It's an impressive venue that features three tiers for the viewing audience and a main level where people can stand in front of the stage. During the rehearsals, Bobby is already scouting out the bar, don't get drunk Bobby! JR then stops by with his father a pastor to give them a blessing, because I'm sure they gonna need it.

Up first that evening is Carney, she is so jittery, but once on stage you could tell that she's done this before and manages to sing a very nice song. Julio was next. I was thinking hey where's your outfit from Manual's? He just wore a tee shirt and his hair down. Although I could barely understand the lyrics, the women went crazy for him. The front row of women were screaming for him and I thought I would see panties thrown at him. One word for him, yummy!

Next up was Maureen, here we see her scared witless. When they call her name, she rushes into the bathroom. Now the moment of truth, would she or wouldn't she flake out. When she finally came on stage, she sang her song about the kind of woman she is and the death of her mama. There was a quiet over the audience as she sang in hushed tones. She looked great in her sequined bolero. One thing Maureen, lose the dark eyeshadow. It looks harsh and ages you.

Next was Diana DeGarmo, in her blue dress from Manuel's. She looked great and her voice is really amazing. I'm wondering why she didn't win American Idol and why she hasn't put out any music. Somebody sign this girl up quick, she's a talent waiting to happen. Her song was really amazing and I said to myself that this girl needs to win.

Then there was Bobby Brown. One word for his performance, Wild! He sang from the heart and you can tell performance is in his blood. Sisqo was alright and sang a sweet song, but he added some funky dance steps in his performance, which you could tell JR was not please. Frankly it looked down right silly and afterward, JR told him so. You could tell Sisqo did feel out of his element. And lastly, Dee. He came out like a rocker. He looked fantastic in his embellished Wyatt Earp coat. He totally looked like the country rocker and brought the house down jumping all over the stage and doing the customary guitar smashing at the end. The only thing that JR didn't like in his performance was when he gave the finger to the audience. As JR told him, that country music is for the family and that he should have refrained from obscenity.

I'm thinking that the seven of them should take their music on the road. What a concert that would be. I would love to see each one of them perform. Each one has something different to bring. Back at the ranch, JR tells them that he is looking for quality, performance and that X-factor. Well, I guess that cuts Maureen out of the picture, because she doesn't have that X-factor on her own.

JR critiques each performance, but said that there was really only one clear winner and that was............Julio! I said what? I kept thinking, Diana, or Dee or Carney, and even Bobby, but Julio? JR's reasons were that he has that charisma, well that's a given. He said that it would be interesting to cross over ethic lines and genres which is something that should happen in country music. Granted, in person, Julio is charismatic, but how will his music translate to the CD's? He sounds great when he's singing Spanish, but needs to learn the English language better.

Well, good luck Julio and I look forward to the next Gone Country. Good premise, great entertainment.-Single D

Gone Country-Image is Everything

Once again we find Maureen trying to wake up Bobby Brown, when she steps in a puddle of pee. Bobby's pee sleepwalking is becoming a real problem. He's just as bad as my dog Henry-see picture. As Mo said, it's like he has to mark his territory. Maureen calls in Carney to help her get Bobby up and show her the puddles when suddenly Bobby shifts in his bed exposing all his glory to Maureen and Carney. They run out of his room like a bunch of screaming school girls, Carney remarking that his thing is like a weapon! Bobby doesn't make an apology for his big hands, big feet and big...! Maureen says she'll never be the same again. Come Mo you want it don't cha? Just get it over with for heaven's sake!

Later that morning we find JR sweeping into the house wearing a fur coat. What's with all that fur JR? I love ya man, but can we give the animals a rest? As JR takes off the fur, we find that he is all decked out country style, his pants has shimmering (probably real) diamond things down the legs. He says in country music image is everything, so he is going to take the cast to the famous clothier to the country stars, Manual, pronounced Man-U-al. Manual is like a country version of "I coulda been a contender!" Brando. Carney is upset, because she is very self conscious of her body image. Inside Manual's, Dee said it looked like Disney exploded in there, so many rhinestones and glitter. Dee has a real problem with the clothes as he usually wears sleeveless t's that has some sort of profanity on them when he's on stage. He doesn't like to feel encumber during his performance, let the sweat all hang out and stuff. Suck it up Dee, wear it once then give it to Goodwill. Diana found a really hot blue dress that looked really great on her and will garner lots votes I'm sure. And of course Bobby Brown decides on the one outfit that has the most bling on it. Julio's outfit makes him look like a matador, hub ba, hub ba!

Back at the ranch there are interviewers waiting for them from Billboard and Country Weekly mags. Julio meets with his song writers and he's not happy about their song for him. The song they have written for him sounded like ragtime meets country, to which Julio states that he would sound like an idiot singing that. Yep, back to the drawing board fellas. It did sound wretched and corny, something about a kiss tasting like strawberries. Mo tells her crew that she sings the best in the bathroom, which is probably where she has done most of her singing. So she makes them move to the bathroom and much to her surprise, they say she sounded great, it's probably all those bath tiles.

As if getting their new outfits, meeting with the interviewers and their songwriters wasn't enough for one day, they next have to learn how to line dance. Julio is so uncoordinated that Sisqo says his line dancing looks like he humping something and that most of his dancing is not done vertical but only horizontally (if you get his drift). Hey Julio don't you know how to do the mambo? Dee looked so awkward, he reminded me of Lurch from the Addams Family, you rang? Sisqo rock the house with his dancing, he was totally amazing.

The day comes to a close with most of the contestants complaining of sudden illnesses. JR has a couple of doctors come to the ranch to make house calls on the cast. Somehow they are all complaining of a mysterious dreaded disease, stage fright! Carney goes into great detail about her phlegm, and says that if she sounds like a frog she won't sing, maybe she should make that a chicken.

By the time they ready for bed, Bobby is already fast asleep. Dee enlist the help of Sisqo and Julio to move his bed from it's location so Bobby Brown won't pee in it. In place of his bed, he places a trash can, toilet paper and a chair, let's see if Brown makes his usual pilgrimage to Dee's bed. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast is all snug in their beds while visions country music wafted through their heads-Single D

Gone Country-Gone Crying

Ok, first of all, let me say, that I haven't had a good cry like that since Barbara Hershey's character died in "Beaches". It seems that Bobby figures prominently in all the episodes of Gone Country. Maybe because he's just a little larger than life and all out there. Here we find Bobby sleeping off another hangover, with Maureen trying to "gently" wake him up by turning on the key board and practicing her cheerleading, subtle I'd say. JR informs them via TV that they will be doing charity work for a good cause, the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. Instead of the usual high profile charity work, they are all driven to the local car wash, where they are expected to roll up their sleeves and get down dirty, well some of them. We find Julio romancing the girls, Bobby taking pictures with the customers, and Maureen kissing all the ladies , or as Dee said, stop making out with the patrons! After the car wash, it's off to the hospital. Get your hankies ready! JR announces that the country music genre supports Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, and almost every country artist has one time or another passed through their doors.

The crew meets with a group of kids that have cancer and are in music therapy which helps to ease their pains. Sitting in a large circle, Mo felt comfortable singing in the middle as her mom mode came out. She said she felt no inhabitions singing for them. It was extremely heart wrenching to see those children. Every single cast member was wonderful, lending support and giving of their time, when we hear a woman sobbing loudly. The camera pans to find a woman leaning on Bobby Brown, crying her eyes out. It turns out that her daughter Juliana was not expected to live through the day. Bobby ask to see her so they let only two go up, Bobby and Sisqo, but no cameras. After 30 minutes, Bobby and Sisqo return visibly shaken. Bobby said that Juliana had a face of an angel. Bobby is devastated, he also lost a sister to cancer, so this experience shook him to the core. Over whelmed by grief he has to leave the hospital. Maureen goes after him, hugs him and says that God had a plan that he, Bobby, should be there for her, that he was somehow her angel, and they cry and weep together. Was there a dry eye anywhere?

John Rich hopes that the tears of this experience will weep into their music, and that they will be forever changed. Back in their rooms, we begin to see the music come alive with Maureen, Bobby and Carney. It was amazing and beautiful.

In the end, John Rich made the announcement that the little girl, Juliana, who wasn't expected to live that day, made a miraculous recovery. Believe in the power of miracles, they are all around you, now give me a kleenex please!-Single D

Gone Country-Country Living-Down and Dirty

Gone Country sure packs alot in the 1/2 hour air time. This weeks episode, JR wants to take the crew to get a taste of real country life by getting down and dirty. Bobby Brown wakes up and immediately wants a cocktail. The crew's destination is Gretchen Wilson's compound where they are going to learn first hand how to shovel horse-sh** and rope wild horses. Maureen's reaction to Gretchen is that she's hot-is Mo a lesbo? Maureen, Bobby and Julio are tasked to rope wild horses in a corral, needless to say, our sweet Juilo boy was scared and when one of the horses kicked the camera man's knee, you see the video swirl around and Bobby runs screaming out of the barn. That was enough for him-someone give the poor man a drink! Maureen on the other hand, thinks all the smell of horse doo doo smells good-maybe she was just trying to impress Gretchen, while the three of them start chewing some tobacco, to which Bobby pronounces that he's high.

Next stop is Graham Central Station club, where the contestants still in their stinking horse shoveling clothes finds out what it takes to be a Hick Chick, namely, spitting watermelon seeds, to which Bobby quickly announces that is degrading, a burping contest and a toilet horse shoe throwing contest. Who do you think won the burping contest? Maureen of course, she was very proud-if she can't sing, she can at least burp, maybe she should try burping a song? Dee very proudly won the all around Hick Chick title. I want to go to that bar, it looks like a hoot! Bobby is now very drunk and doesn't want to participate in any of it and goes to the bus followed by Carney, who tries to calm him down and when she was bending over Bobby, he promptly farted a loud one in her face, to which she said that his fart was so close she could almost swallow it! YUCK! What a guy, class all the way! When everyone gets back to the bus-Bobby then gets the 3:45 am munchies and proceeds to find himself a bbq leaving everyone in the bus waiting on him.

Once back at the ranch, as everyone is sleeping, Dee and Bobby Brown share a bedroom, which Dee says is an ideal arrangement since they both snore. Dee uses a mouth piece to keep his mouth closed during sleeping hours (he should try wearing that thing during normal hours as well!), so his snoring will not be so offensive, however this backfires on him. We see Bobby getting up and as Dee hears him stir, he sees Brown coming toward his bed, pulling out you know what, to pee, Dee grunts wildly (he still has his mouth piece in), and he didn't want to be peed on, then Bobby heads for the closet, which Dee said he had visions of Bobby spraying the clothes like they were on fire, Dee grunts wildly and says through his muddled mouthpiece, thebafroom, thebafroom! Finally Dee is relieved to hear the sound of splashing water-touchdown! Off to dreamland.

The next day, Bobby complains that something has to be done about his sleepwalking and that he's very concern about it, needless to say what about your drinking problem? I think wandering around in a drunk stupor trying to find the bathroom is just the symptom, not the problem? Bobby, get real and get yourself sober!-Single D

Gone Country-Country Cooking and Fuel

I guess everyone partied too hard especially Bobby Brown, because the next day he is unable to rise from his bed and is in a drunken stupor. Maureen tries to rouse him like the old married couple they appear to play. In the next room, they all (except Bobby) find guitars that has smash me written on them. Gee I always wanted to smash a guitar, doesn't it look like great fun? But it appears to be much harder than it looks for the women, smashing on brick walls doesn't make one dent when finally Dee puts his foot through them-he should know, he's a rocker. Whose ever guitar holds the note, will be the leader of the challenge. And much to Carney's surprise, she's the winner. The note says that the cast will be cooking a down home country dinner for his family, or as he called it his muzikmafia family, with grandma Rich as the judge, and who better to win this challenge, than Carney, she's all about the food. They all (except Bobby) make the caravan to the grocery store, Carney in the lead, making list, delegating tasks. Dee notices that Julio's shopping cart is only filled with yellow food-or as Julio says yjello food. Who knew? Maureen meanwhile is having a blast having her pictures snapped, which she says it's an every day occurrence. How nice!

Back at the farm, Bobby is finally rising, must be around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and everyone is madly cooking. Bobby apologies which is endearing for about 2 seconds, now we know why Whitney threw him out, he spends the night boozing and partying so that the next day he's good for nothing, of which DeGarmo states she has no patience with someone in a drunken stupor. Watch out guys, if you marry her, you'll definitely have to tow the line! Julio now has the sleepies, must be all that yjello food, and takes a nap on the couch while everyone is furiously cooking-his punishment for napping, Julio has to set the table for all the guest, but Mother Maureen goes in to help him. She really is like someone's grandmother.

With dinner all set, JR's family begins to arrive, at first I thought maybe the carnival broke down outside, all shapes and sizes were coming through the front door. Wilson has a sudden shock of panic as she sees all the people and laments that they haven't made enough food! At the end of the meal, JR asks granny "Was it good?" You could feel the air being sucked out of the room, but then she pronounces "It's Good!" To which JR says that girl Carney can cook!-of course she can, she loves food!

After dinner and I'm sure they were all pooped-they all headed downtown to a club called Fuel, where JR had arranged that each cast member would sing their song on stage with his band. Maureen was petrified! She had a look of sheer horror! Each one took the stage, and of course, Bobby Brown and Dee fought for center stage, jealousy rearing it's ugly head. Mo was crying. DeGarmo blew them away with her amazing voice and she knew it. Mo was crying. Carney Wilson was a bit timid and scared but managed to pull it off, I'm thinking she just alittle self conscious of her weight. Mo was crying. Julio and JR did the duet "Of All the Girls I Used to Know" which sounded amazingly good, and of course it would since his father, Julio Igelesis did it previously with Willy Nelson, sounds of deja vu. Did I say, Mo was crying? In the end, she was terribly disappointed with herself for not having the courage to go on stage and sing, intimidated by the others and her lack of real live stage singing experience. Come on Mo, you knew what you signed up for, if you can't stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen, or in this case the club!-Single D

Gone Country-

As I was remote surfing the other night, I did my momentary pause on the CMT channel. Now, I never watch CMT, can't say I'm a country music fan, the closest thing to liking country music would be Carrie Underwood singing that Louieville Slugger song. But as I paused, I noticed the fresh face, hey isn't that Diana DiGarmo from Idol fame? What's she doing with those people and who are those people anyway? I did recognize Maureen-Marsha, Marsha, Marsha from the Brady Bunch and she's definitely has not had any cosmetic work! She totally reminded me of someone's grandmother. Stop! Carney Wilson, love her but psst-she's getting fat again! Girl just let go, eat what you want, life's too short, that's my philosophy ...but who were all those other people? I actually had to look them up-ok, I'm not up on the latest singers/rappers/rockers (are they called singers anymore?) Well, here's the cast of characters-Dee Snider (Twisted Sister fame), isn't Dee a girl's name, don't know his music, Sisqo from Dru Hill (never heard of him), Julio honey Iglesias Jr.-one word, yummy! and Bobby Brown, I know him from Whitney Houston-LOVE HER! I came in this episode when they were wondering who is that person joining them, landing in some special private plane-and out walks Bobby Brown. He's not as arrogant as I thought he was. Actually, Maureen and Bobby strike up an unlikely friendship, based mostly on cigarettes. I was pleasantly surprised to find him polite and nice, maybe Whitney was the Bit--h after all!

They all arrive at this immense Log and Glass home (somewhere in Nashville), I'm guessing it belongs to the guy in the private helicopter that lands in the front lawn, wearing a pack of dead animals on his back. Yo PETA! They all call him JR, as in John Rich of Big and Rich-sorry guys, never heard of him either or his songs.

The premises of this reality show is that these seven diverse musical talents (Maureen?) will be in Nashville to write and perform a country song, but first having to prove themselves to JR, by going through a series of which I'm sure, silly stunts.

Well, Dee starts off with a good impression by telling JR he doesn't like country songs, "all about your hound dog, your truck's broken, your wife's left ya, you've lost your job", then he begins to sob that there is no coffee-I NEED COFFEE he wails, raising the eyebrows of JR and the rest at the table. JR sits at the head like he's holding court, addressing each one, and solicitiously thanking them for joining in this adventure as he makes a sly look toward DiGarmo's cleavage. JR complements our Marsha Brady on her voice to which Dee remarks on the aside that he didn't know that she had a song let alone sang. Meanwhile Dee's still whining about coffee and for Carney it's all about the food-country cooking at it's finest.

In their bedrooms, each one has a guitar, a gift from JR all done up in rhinestones-which makes Maureen cry-I'm thinking she's going to be the crier of the bunch. Julio kept a low profile, but how's he going to sing country with that Spanish accent? While Bobby and Maureen enjoy a smoke, Dee finds a coffeemaker, coffee, to which he quickly announces when he opens it, that it's a can from 1946! He's definitely the high maintenance one of the group-Dee go find yourself a Starbucks!

This does look like a promising series and maybe I'll keep you posted after all, I'll be curious to see whose alittle bit country and whose alittle bit rock and roll-where's Donny and Marie?-Single D